Don’t tell me to rest so I don’t get sick, yet constantly bombard me with long lists of things you want me to get done. Don’t surprisingly exclaim, “oh, you look so tired”, when you know I battle chronic fatigue and you STILL ask me to tackle items that would be difficult for a person with no ailments. Don’t tell me you understand my battle with chronic illness and pain, yet roll your eyes when I am “sick again” or scoff because I “again” have to cancel plans.
See, here’s the thing, old phony one; I am aware of what’s happening I just never cared enough to address it. But, my expert level skills in BS and razor thin patience have significantly hindered my ability lately to refrain from verbally rippng you to shreds. When you spew pretend words of caution “for my good”, I am fully aware of the self serving motive lurking behind them. Most days I can hide my disdain for your overall fakeness, but lately I’ve been feeling a little over pretending…a little over most things actually. The recent and unexpected death of my niece, along with my father’s first seizure and recent hospitalization, and a critical analysis of the people in my life draining my energy, have left me not too concerned about the feelings of others…I only gave a smidge to begin with so imagine where I am as I type this.
Given all I’ve just conveyed, it’s in your best interest to just stop. Stop the fake concern. Stop the face nicetities. Yes, that is a word. Stop the fake doting and worried looks. Stop the concerned sighs and public performance. When out of view from the world’s judgemental gaze, all your compassion immediately evaporates and is suddenly replaced with judgmental glares, disappointed sighs, and harsh words prefaced with “I’m not trying to be mean, but.” So just stop.
I am using every ounce of my remaining energy to hold myself together to act like a moderately normal human being despite everything arouond me falling apart. Given that, I have no energy for my rational brain to use to convince me to spare you if we continue down this path.
You’ve been warned.
*Needed to get that out!*