“Next time we just won’t invite her because she is always ‘sick'”. “She seems to find energy to do what she wants, but whenever it is something for me she is ‘too tired.’ Well, I am done asking her to do stuff.” “Yeah, she can’t possibly be sick all the time…clearly she just doesn’t want to be around us so I say we just stop inviting her.” “When I call she never answers because she is ‘sleep’ but then I see her on Facebook minutes later.” “I’m just so over this whole sickness thing with her.”
Yeah I know. You didn’t think I heard you…I did. That rude text you wrote about me and sent to your friend, I read it. That sarcastic comment you made about me under your breath, I heard it. The resentment in your tone despite your sweet smile…yeah, picked up on it. That hesitation before you answered my ask for help…caught it. See, here’s the thing. My lack of reaction to your behavior does not mean I’m unaware. Don’t mistake my unwillingness to exert energy for an inability to see. Make no mistake, I have been picking up what you’ve been putting down for quite some time. Sadly though, my fear of facing chronic illness and pain alone made me willing to accept your foolishness.
Fear made me convince myself that having a toxic person around me was better than having no one. But, no need to worry. I snapped out of that shit! So, You Insensitive Ungrateful Bottom Feeding Snake Dressed As A Compassionate Companion, are reading your Burn Notice. Like bare feet forced to walk in the Sahara Desert for hours in the summer, cheap hair weave singed by a chi curling iron placed on it too long, or the carpet in a alcoholic chain smoker’s house, our relationship is irreparably burned.
Effective immediately, you’ve lost the warm embrace when you say that you’re stressed. You’ve lost the person willing to come, no matter the hour, simply because you call. You’ve lost the money freely given without an expectation of repayment, and the shirt off my back that I would’ve given without hesitation if I so much as thought you needed it. You’ve also lost the butt of your jokes, and your example of the “subjective and highly manipulative” nature of chronic illness and pain. You’ve lost the person you selectively ignore, the one who’s pain you mock. You’ve lost your cheerleader, confidant, vault, and comedian. Simply, you’ve lost me.
I know you’re reading this and your mind is racing. You’re wondering if this is about you, and whether these words are actually true. Well, let me put your mind at ease. These words are true and this post is ABSOLUTELY ABOUT YOU. Now, to be fair, this post is about you and a few other people. People that take my friendship, love and sacrifice for granted. People that tearfully profess that the thought of my absence is unimaginable, yet take my presence for granted. People who’s cry for help I always answer, but are consistently unavailable for mine. People that smile in my face but talk behind my back, and those who’s only contribution to my life is a physical presence. People that I have to beg to pour into me, and those that flat out refuse to appreciate me.
To all of you, we’re done. Your services are no longer needed.