Burn Notice

“Next time we just won’t invite her because she is always ‘sick'”. “She seems to find energy to do what she wants, but whenever it is something for me she is ‘too tired.’ Well, I am done asking her to do stuff.” “Yeah, she can’t possibly be sick all the time…clearly she just doesn’t want to be around us so I say we just stop inviting her.” “When I call she never answers because she is ‘sleep’ but then I see her on Facebook minutes later.” “I’m just so over this whole sickness thing with her.” 

Yeah I know. You didn’t think I heard you…I did. That rude text you wrote about me and sent to your friend, I read it. That sarcastic comment you made about me under your breath, I heard it. The resentment in your tone despite your sweet smile…yeah, picked up on it. That hesitation before you answered my ask for help…caught it. See, here’s the thing. My lack of reaction to your behavior does not mean I’m unaware. Don’t mistake my unwillingness to exert energy for an inability to see. Make no mistake, I have been picking up what you’ve been putting down for quite some time. Sadly though, my fear of facing chronic illness and pain alone made me willing to accept your foolishness.

Fear made me convince myself that having a toxic person around me was better than having no one. But, no need to worry. I snapped out of that shit! So, You Insensitive Ungrateful Bottom Feeding Snake Dressed As A Compassionate Companion, are reading your Burn Notice. Like bare feet forced to walk in the Sahara Desert for hours in the summer, cheap hair weave singed by a chi curling iron placed on it too long, or the carpet in a alcoholic chain smoker’s house, our relationship is irreparably burned.

Effective immediately, you’ve lost the warm embrace when you say that you’re stressed. You’ve lost the person willing to come, no matter the hour, simply because you call. You’ve lost the money freely given without an expectation of repayment, and the shirt off my back that I would’ve given without hesitation if I so much as thought you needed it. You’ve also lost the butt of your jokes, and your example of the “subjective and highly manipulative” nature of chronic illness and pain. You’ve lost the person you selectively ignore, the one who’s pain you mock. You’ve lost your cheerleader, confidant, vault, and comedian. Simply, you’ve lost me.

I know you’re reading this and your mind is racing. You’re wondering if this is about you, and whether these words are actually true. Well, let me put your mind at ease. These words are true and this post is ABSOLUTELY ABOUT YOU. Now, to be fair, this post is about you and a few other people. People that take my friendship, love and sacrifice for granted. People that tearfully profess that the thought of my absence is unimaginable, yet take my presence for granted. People who’s cry for help I always answer, but are consistently unavailable for mine. People that smile in my face but talk behind my back, and those who’s only contribution to my life is a physical presence. People that I have to beg to pour into me, and those that flat out refuse to appreciate me.

To all of you, we’re done. Your services are no longer needed.

18 thoughts

  1. You can feel the pain in your heart! Good for you in being so honest! Now continue to be honest with yourself and admit that you don’t need these toxic people! Find the ones that really care! <3!
    I may just know you as a fellow blogger but please know that you are always welcome to vent to me! I will be a listening ear, we all need others who will truly listen to us!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I abosolute agree I don’t need the toxic people. It’s funny, I think good or bad everyone serves a purpose in your life…even if it is to remind you to value or appreciate yourself. I am sometimes guility of holding on to what is familiar, but lately I have reached a place where even that has to go.


  2. Wow! I could’ve been writing this, I know where your head is at and I can still feel the pain you’re feeling. That moment when everything becomes so clear and you start to feel like am idiot because you allowed this and the slow realisation that this isn’t your fault!
    The only difference if it had been me writing this I couldn’t contain my sewer mouth! The name you verity here would have had at least 2 F’s and at least 3 B’s!
    Just don’t let this taint your heart for future friends! Don’t push away the goods ones because of your fear of trusting! Don’t end up alone like me? Please?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. Each day is definitely a fight not to push people away. Experiences like the one I wrote about has made me question the motives of many…sadly. But, I am committed to living and enjoying life…which includes having people in it. So, I have accepted that being open to others may mean being hurt again and its a risk I will take because the tradeoff is worth it.


  3. You go girl! I know exactly what you are talking about. Who knew [toxic friend/family member] was such a piece of shit? Develop a chronic illness and *bingo* they are exposed. It’s like they think you’re milking your illness for attention, or maybe they resent you pulling focus away from them and their problems. Perhaps they are just plain busted and unable to feel empathy. Whatever. You are so much better without them.

    I also have dumped people who act like its my fault I’m sick (if you would only exercise and eat organic food…) or who insist on pretending that this isn’t serious (gee, getting referred to palliative care would indicate otherwise, don’t you think?). I have found new friends and am so much better off.

    Kudos to you for pulling out the torch. Burn, bitches, burn!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • GOD!!! SO WELL SAID! Yes, you definitely discover who people are when you get sick. I thought I kicked those people out my inner circle years ago so I was definitely shocked and hurt to find them hiding out dressed up as compassionate companions. Fortunately, things always reveal themselves.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Love this, it’s perfect and exactly how I am feeling… exactly. I’ve been talking with a few other bloggers about this same issue and have posted about it myself. It’s so confusing and hurtful when you/we have done so much for someone else and then when we need support/help/listening/whatever, it’s not returned. Something I just can’t wrap my head around. Is it fear, selfishness, lack of empathy or basic friendship skills? I don’t know, but it’s infuriating and sad. Keep speaking your truth and standing your ground, I’m right there with you ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much!!! I agree, it is sooo infuriating…hurtful. I always feels like the person that supports so many, yet have so few to truly support me. I have come to terms with a lot of things lately. Things I’ve refused to accept for quite some time.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I know! I have friends that I have helped breast feed their babies, given them money so they could go visit their dying child, dropped everything to let them cry on my shoulders… And what did I do to deserve being so easily left? I got sick, not on purpose. And isn’t that when friends are supposed to be there for you the most? It’s so hard to let go when the pain is so deep. I’m still struggling with this so badly, and at the same time trying to remember that there are real people out there and I have to keep trying. So very very grateful for my husband and kids who loves me no matter what, but that doesn’t fill the space left by supposed best friends. Sending you love, understanding and strength! I wish all of us that are feeling this could meet up! A group of people that know how to do ‘friend’ right!! Now that would be something ❀

        Liked by 1 person

      • That would be absolutely amazing! I do not understand why it is so challenging. I really don’t. How hard is it to be the friend you expect? Life has shown me if you really want to know who cares about you, get sick. You will quickly learn the takers in your life vs the contributors.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I will never understand it either. It’s sad but true… Since being diagnosed with RA a few years ago, I’m learning who is on my team… the takers vs the contributors. And most of the good ones have had some kind of struggle themselves, so they understand and we’ve formed our own little chronically ill team. I think that’s what we need to look for… only people who have lived it can relate and have the heart and understanding to stick around.

        Liked by 1 person

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