The Butt Salute

 

Warren Beatty is credited as saying “always thank your nurse, sometimes they’re the only thing between you and a hearse.” Friends, those words are powerful and true. But, despite the instruction contained in them, very few people actually stop to do what the quote suggests. When was the last time you stopped to thank the nurses around you? Nursing is often times a thankless, underpaid, and undervalued role, which is completely insane to me. Personally, I owe my life to a nurse…one that quickly identified my hypertensive crisis and got an IV in to administer life saving medicine when no one else could. And today, today I owe my intact colon and ability to successfully pass shit to Nurse Boggio. So, Nurse Boggio, at Mayo Clinic in Rochester Minnesota, my booty, colon, and heart salute you.  Because of you, I can now “embrace the boo boo”.

When we first met that warm day on March 7, 2016, I wasn’t quite sure how this relationship was going to work. After you explained in great detail how you would get up all up in my business (literally), I was overwhelmed and fully prepared to hate your guts. In my mind, there was no way I would become fond of a person that had to violate me with medical equipment 3 times a day for 10 business days…given my exit only rule. There was also no way some random stranger would stick equipment and fingers into my body cavity, let alone stare at me as I simulated bowel movements everyday on a portable commode. Despite my reservations, hardened heart, and freakishly tight sphincter muscle, you helped me and won me over.

Each day you greeted me with a smile and chipper disposition. Despite having to get all up in my business and look at body parts no stranger should see without first buying dinner, you were always professional but kept the mood light and relaxed. You had a very good way of identifying when a particular exercise was too much for me, but at the same time pushed me to give a little more when you knew there was more there to give. You are an amazing nurse and I feel so fortunate to have worked with you. While I have told you thank you face to face, I want the world to know of your awesomeness! 

Thank you for working tirelessly to ensure I got everything possible from this program, despite all my reservations and fears. Thank you for answering all of my questions and encouraging me when I got down. Thank you for celebrating the boo boo with me (you clapped and cheered…and looked at photos), and encouraging me to trust my body. Thank you for being knowledgeable, but able to share your expertise in a way I understood. Thank you for taking time to get to know me as a person, and tailoring the sessions based on my needs. Thank you for diligently charting after each session (yeah I checked the notes every night) which allowed me to be aware of my progress and learning opportunities.  Thank you for all the minutes you laid on the floor staring up at my booty through the opening in the portable commode. Thank you for making me laugh when I wanted to cry, your jokes always lightened the mood and removed the awkwardness of what we were doing. But, most importantly, thank you for being a phenomenal, professional, and kind nurse and person.

Nurse Boggio, my butt and I salute you! I shall fart and freely pass stool in your honor!!!!


7 thoughts on “The Butt Salute

  1. haha. the serious par to this for me. Is my uncle is having another biopsy this week. He had polyps and haemorrhoids taken out and they found something that may or may not be a tumour. I may send him this post in time once we know the seriousness of the situation . He would appreciate the humuor

    Liked by 2 people

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