Twas the night before my upper endoscopy. All through my house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. Well, let me stop right here. I vowed that if I started a blog, I would only type the truth…and can proudly say that has been the case except for the first three sentences of this post. So, I will redeem myself and come clean. Truthfully, I am LITERALLY sitting at my kitchen table typing this post while eating a honeybun and drinking a sprite. I am scheduled for an 8am upper endoscopy, and was told not to eat or drink after midnight. By now you likely know me well enough to know that those instructions immediately became a challenge. Yep, I decided to see how much food I can stuff into my 5’5 115lbs frame before midnight without vomiting. Friends, I gotta say, I have impressed myself.
I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING!! But seriously, who are you to judge me? Surely I am not the only person that immediately gets hungry when fasting is required for a test. I am almost certain there is research on this issue, but I don’t have a free hand to look it up while stuffing my face and typing this blog. So, you just have to trust me that there is totally research out in cyberspace about this. Now, I am willing to concede that this famished sensation that I have at the moment is completely psychological. I had a big dinner and multiple snacks afterwards, so it is literally impossible for me to be hungry right now. But, here I sit at my kitchen table starving. In full disclosure, I am starving and so fixated on making myself a bacon sandwich before midnight that I have accidentally typed the word “bacon” three times.
Its funny, while trying to explain my actions to my husband, I likened my behavior to a man that had just taken viagra. As you would image, a man in that situation would desperately be looking to close the deal after taking the magic blue pill. Well friends, that’s kinda my situation right now. Ordinarily food is my enemy. Food has hurt me so bad that I now eat simply to live. I am so used to hurting after eating that I rarely crave food…I just simply eat on autopilot. BUT, there are special moments when the craving to eat hits. When it does, it hits strong and I have to act immediately. Tonight, my symbolic blue pill was swallowed after I ate dinner and the count down to midnight began.
Normally I don’t eat anything after 8pm due to indigestion, but tonight all bets are off. I am woman enough to admit that by morning I may have an ice cube size hole in my esophagus from the increased stomach acid after I finish stuffing my face, but friends it will be well earned. I have actually burped 15 times while typing this post. No test preparation is going to make me walk around hungry! When my tummy says it’s go time…IT’S GO TIME!
Before you go getting all Judgy McJudgerson on me, let me just say that I do understand why I was asked to fast before my test. I know that if I do not comply with the fasting, I could vomit during the procedure and aspirate. I could also arrive with a completely full tummy, which would prohibit my doctor from successfully performing the test. So, I want to be clear, I do in fact comply with the fasting ONCE it’s midnight. Honestly, I am too Type A and high strung to ever convince myself to ignore the fasting instructions altogether. In fact, I’m actually eating so aggressively because I planned to start my fast an hour early (see Type A here). So ha!
Wish me luck…on the test!!